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Cigarette burns. Cuts. Marks from surgery. Head trauma. Scars on the psyche. Scars in the soul. Too many incidents to count.
Scars you can never touch, but know with certainty they are there.
15 years since the first attempt. Tied to the bed, sedatives flowing, the only option to keep me safe.
Years passing. Time elapsing. Scars remain. Sometimes, it feels like they’re ripping open again.
I have a lot of people to thank for the fact that I am breathing today. Family. Friends. Mentors. People that saw the other side of the darkness. The light shining. People that invested in me because they believed I am more than my neuroticism.
Living with an ongoing, complex comorbidity of mental illness, traumas, and manipulative circumstance has left trailing inconsistencies within the lens that I view life.
Somedays I am vibrant & thriving. Shining. Smiling.
Other days, I am consumed by the marks on my arms. The pounding in my head. The heaviness in my chest.
I can travel. I can move, far and wide. California. Florida. Asia. Europe. Canada; west coast and central. The scars follow me no matter where I go.
I’ve learned to just love where I am and who i’ve met. I’ve learned to love myself despite what’s happening in the day to day. Despite how hard i’ve tried to create new homes, new versions of myself, the scars from previous continue to resurface.
If I were to list one by one the nature of my afflictions, addictions, internal conflict, we would be in for a long article. I want to keep this short. But I also want you to know how much I care about the things that you, the reader, are going through.
As I try to give as much as possible; to my clients, to my projects, to the people around me, I know it will never be enough to cover the scars. As much as I want to forget I don’t think I want to remove them completely either.
Because when I think about the scars, I think about infusing that contrast (light and dark, beauty and pain, struggle and healing) into the project.
Creating a beautiful world where people can laugh and smile and love the work that they do every day. Love the stuff that they do when the work gets turned off. Love the people around them. Love themselves despite the scars, and see that the scars are beautiful.
I’m building a consultancy focused on holistic growth because I can’t imagine building a business without evaluating the underlying emotions and motivations that have us building in the first place.
I’m building a web studio focused on creative strategy + AI because it’s the stories we tell, and how effectively we tell them, that shape the world and the culture around us.
I’m building a platform rooted in authenticity because I honestly don’t know any other way to do it. I can’t escape myself no matter how many times I try to shift the lens or look at the story differently.
I’m building a software portfolio fuelled by vibes because that feeling when the sun is going down, when the sand starts to cool, when the new era begins… is only possible through contrast.
That beautiful feeling is only possible through the scars and the pain that we’ve experienced.
The best creations comes from the fact that we’ve had to recreate and reinvent ourselves 100 times over. It comes from reiteration, but never forgetting our origin and the things that drive us to not just float, but find depth in the journey. Find so much depth that it creates ripple effects that touch so many people around us.
For me, that depth lives in the projects I am building. It lives in the skills I am building. It lives in the resilience, despite losing so many things that were important to me.
Despite being misunderstood. Despite being disadvantaged. Despite being exiled from things that I care about. Despite being pushed to my limits. Despite living with feelings that I can never escape.
Freedom. Community. Creation. Velocity. Authenticity. Healing. Love. Impact.
These are the things that keep me grounded and sane. These are the things I know are worth fighting for no matter how hard that it gets. No matter how hard the bed feels when my trauma is in motion. No matter how hard the punches hit my skull. No matter how hard i’ve tried to become someone or something else entirely.
Freedom. Community. Creation. Velocity. Authenticity. Healing. Love. Impact.
These are the things that keep me going and everything that I want my projects to represent. The environment that I want to create is one where these values are embodied to full effect.
We are in an era where building software is akin to building digital extensions of the soul. Electrons that lace with our hearts and our minds. Frameworks that amplify the frameworks in which we philosophize.
We are in an era where creation is the currency. Where we can use our scars to make a difference, to enhance a message, to amplify our impact.
We are in an era where it’s not just okay to be vulnerable it’s actually the glue that keeps us bonded and human.
That separates us from automation. That separates us from the electrons that we’ve integrated with.
It’s a beautiful era that is worth fighting for despite it’s inherent intensity and complexity.
It’s worth the reinvention. The reiteration. The ruthless reinforcement of purpose.
It’s worth the pursuit of impact; the impact we have on each other, despite all of the scars.
“No matter how much we grow, the scars are still with us. But there’s so much beauty in the contrast, isn't there?"
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If you like my work, feel free to follow me across other platforms as well. I'll be sharing more about my journey moving forward:
Linkedin
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Check out my studio too. I’m currently taking on new contracts and still have a few freelance hours available in the coming months:
Flocano Labs
Sension Consulting
Cracked Culture
Freelancer Profile (Top Rated)